Loved One of My Inspiration

Yes, I’m still here, blog friends! I was going to do a #weekendcoffeeshare, but since the link-up is closed I’m posting this anyway. If you’re not familiar with #weekendcoffeeshare go to part time monster and investigate this fascinating phenomena. 

coffee

If we were having coffee I would tell you this isn’t your average writer’s block. And, it’s probably going to take more than a huge jolt of java to break through the monster stall in my brain. But, thanks in advance for the listen.

The urge for words seems distant now, almost as far away as the stars, disguised by uneasiness and cloaked in acute sadness. I tell myself that I will want to write again, that I haven’t come full circle and I believe I haven’t but, I admit, this is different. This is loss of mind power, of inspiration, of physical confidence.

Some days it feels like grief, like the of loss of a love, of a family member, or a cherished animal companion. The worst of it is, I know I’ll never see the loved one of my inspiration again…at least not in it’s prior form.

Honestly though, I don’t want my creativity to return in it’s old form – not really. When you’re truly obsessed with a thing, like writing or painting, I’m not sure you can be objective enough to see what you’re doing. I know I wore the first-timer rookie blinders with every keystroke.  Perhaps I should think of this change as a new range of vision. When I begin again, my view will be a wider angle, a panorama of words, paragraphs, chapters. I’ll see the timeline of my novel clearly and watch as the story flows and weaves itself from year to year, encompassing two generations of my world and the people who live there.

There are still holes in the story line, of course. Some of them are big enough to swallow a tank, but I know where they are now. I have time to fill them or erase them completely. Now that this pesky publishing thing is no longer an issue, I can do whatever I want and write whatever I want. In a way, that’s liberating.

At this moment my mind is only fit to read other people’s novels because they have already done the hard work. I don’t have to suffer and sweat over a hot keyboard, I have only to open the pages of their hard labor and be amazed. They created these stories just for me, for my amusement and inspiration. In the next weeks and months I’ll read for enjoyment with the knowledge that among these words is the spark I need.

Read. That’s one of Stephen King’s rules for writers. And, speaking of The King, I’d love to talk to him about long medical recoveries and its effects on creativity:) Anybody have his cell number?

How is your writing adventure going?

 

Photo credit: ultrakml / Foter / CC BY

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15 thoughts on “Loved One of My Inspiration

  1. I love the idea of approaching your writing now with different glasses… I feel like I’m doing that to some extent. I’ve once again had one of those weekends that got waylaid, and my writing is going much slower than I want it to. But I know I have it in me to do what is needed, to buckle down and really get moving on things.

    • Yes, you do have it in you! It’s taken me a lifetime to understand how much strength we have. Sometimes we just need the courage to see things differently. Everyday is a new opportunity to be fearless, to step up and pound out those words. Heck, I’ve written more in the last twenty-four hours with this blog and answering you guys than I have in a while. It feels good, but now I’d better lay down and read for a while:)

  2. It’s funny, because even though I haven’t stopped writing, I’ve slowed down quite a bit to focus much more tightly on fewer items. (Sadly, one casualty of that has been regular blogging. 😦 )
    The result has been a happier me, a happier muse, and a story that looks like it’s going to survive revision (fingers crossed!)
    Reading is a great way to feed your spirit while you rest your mind. I do that too when I’m feeling out of sorts.
    Have you read On Writing by Stephen King? Because in it, he writes about that very kind of block after his accident. What ended up getting him out of it was when his dear wife told him it was time start writing, set him up with a desk and told him to get to it! It worked for him, and he freely admits that it was his wife’s faith in him the restored his will to write.

    I hope you find your way back to your words soon! I miss reading about your progress. 🙂

    • Thanks, Kirsten, for sharing Stephen King’s experience. I thought On Writing was written before his accident so, because I’d already read so many good books on writing and was eager to start my own writing, I never picked it up. Guess I should have! It reminds me that I have my very own Tabitha in my husband Rick who is my biggest fan. Every night he asks me for a story, and every night I reply, “Not tonight, honey. I have writer’s block.” 🙂 He wants me to write more than I want to write…at least for now.

      I’m glad your story is forging through revision! It’s an amazing process, isn’t it?

      I miss your writing progress blogs, too, lady. I’m going to try a few blogs about things other than writing. Fun, silly, and short!!

    • Love Writing by Stephen King! Should revisit it! Thanks for the reminder Kirsten 🙂

  3. It sounds to me like you deserve the rest, letting yourself go in other people’s books and forgetting everything will have you back to writing in a more effective and concentrated way. That can only be a good thing and is a great excuse to tell people you are working when lost in a good book also.

    • Hi Ste J

      It’s been really difficult to allow myself to rest. Life doesn’t slow down just because you need to recover. So…reading is the perfect escape. And, yes, I do fib a little. Reading can be research as well as entertainment:)

  4. It’s tough when the writing seems to fade, but it will return! I think reading for enjoyment is the best idea, sometimes it can feel like we’re reading for the sake of just improving our own writing, and I forget to just enjoy the tale within the pages 😀

  5. Nancy, I can so relate. I’ve been in a slump for months now but, does it matter if we’re not writing as long as we’re happy? Maybe, just maybe, instead of letting go of a dream, you’re discovering a different one. Thank you for sharing your very personal writing journey.

    • I agree. I have let go a bit on the frantic I must be published thing. Right now, in my life, that can’t happen. I just don’t have the physical strength or mental focus. But, that’s ok. Like I said, it’s almost liberating to know that when I’m ready to write, I can write the novel I always wanted. I appreciate the kind comments, by the way. See you on FB.

  6. You mention ‘long medical recoveries’. Does this mean you are on medication which may be blocking you or if your worn our, body and soul, haven’t your energy or stamina back, don’t you think that might be the problem?
    I feel similar to the way you describe when life and the world overwhelm me. I’ve no energy left and my brain just want to escape not tackle anything.
    Not sure if any of this is nonsense. Hope you find the key soon. and be a happier you. ❤

  7. It’s not nonsense at all. Life can overwhelm you generally or specifically at any time. Sometimes the best you can do is go with it but, for creative people, it’s hard to rest. Feels like a damned waste of precious time.

    No mystery what happened to me. I became collateral damage after I had a traumatic surgery due to a faulty hip replacement (you know the one) and my family and I endured a lawsuit and two years of chronic pain. It’s a good thing I couldn’t use pain medication because I would be addicted by now. I’ve learned a lot from this nightmare. You don’t have to be a vet to suffer PTSD. I’ve finally found relief from physical therapy, but it’s still a long road ahead. I do have hope, but the pain blew out my creativity – temporarily. Lately, I’ve seen glimpses of my legendary muse and he’s left me ideas, scattering them ahead of me like breadcrumbs, luring me foward back into writing.

    Thanks you so much for your kind words. Try and take a break, rest, and eat chocolate. Spring is around the corner, better days are coming:)

  8. I had a bit of a block that turned into procrastination and then dread for not getting anything done. Ended up inhaling so many books last year to fill the creative well until one day I was like ‘That’s it…sit down and don’t move until you do something.’ Jarring mental process trying to find the story again and trying to decipher handwritten notes…(that stopped mid-sentence!) haha
    Missed your blog by the way!

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